Enjoy Moments With Your Kids

Lately I have forced myself to stop. I need to relax. I definitely need to be more aware. I don't know why or how we become so hurried and busy. It would be easy to claim that life forces us to become that way but that would be untrue. Allowing ourselves to become caught up in mostly unimportant things is our own fault.

I have literally looked at myself in the mirror and told myself, "Don't screw this up. These are your children. And if you screw this up, nothing else matters." While I have become almost obsessed with ensuring that all of the laundry gets washed and folded and the dishes get cleaned and the floor gets vacuumed and the bills get paid and the dog gets walked and the yard gets cleaned up and dinner gets made on time and on and on and on . . . I have most certainly missed out on some pretty cool stuff with my children. I have missed moments that could have been if only I were present.

And its one of those things when at the end of the day, all of the housework might be done and everything is neat and tidy and in order, but the world would have been just fine if not everything were in proper order. As mother's, we desperately need to set aside those unessential activities that seem to consume our day and focus on the reasons why we became mother’s in the first place. In today’s world, we must do this now more than ever.

Each day, it has become my earnest endeavor to do just that. While it is almost impossible to let things slide all day, I wake up early before the kids and ready myself for the day. It is the morning time that I get as much done as possible. The kids run around and play together while I focus on getting as much done as possible in those morning hours.

The afternoon is then devoted to my children. For a few hours, we play outside, read books, cook together, go to the park, or even watch a movie. Whatever the activity, we are together. And the kids don’t care what we do. But they do care that I am there laughing, and singing, and just being silly.

That is my challenge to you.

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Things To Do for Free, Summertime and Beyond

As of the time of this entry, gas where I live is $4.09 a gallon. It’s ridiculous and depressing all at once. Living on one income, it's difficult to afford groceries, let alone the expense of gasoline to drive anywhere.

On a day like today—blue skies, slight breeze, and 72° temps—I am depressed 10 times over. We sat around this morning, scheming and trying to come up with ideas of what we could do as a family to get out and enjoy the beautiful day. We soon realized that we had exhausted nearly all of our ideas of inexpensive or free things to do. I’m quickly beginning to acquire the Eeyore sentiment. My last hope of satisfaction today is to pass on some ideas that might suffice with your brood.

LIBRARY. Check out your local library. This is an invaluable resource, especially if you have small children at home. The older kids can find enjoyment as well, though. Throughout the year, our local library has story time. It is an occasion that my little ones look forward to each week. The times for specific ages vary. Many libraries also put on summer reading fairs and/or programs. Kids can sign up to do a specified amount of reading over the summer (typically only 20 minutes a day), and upon completion, have a grab at different rewards and prizes ranging from movie tickets, bowling passes, DVD’s, books, and restaurant vouchers. In addition to checking out books, you can also check out movies for free. Our library carries the latest new releases. Of course, you often have to get on a waiting list for them, but a little patience never hurt anyone. Because of the length of time to check movies out is about 5 days or so, the waiting list usually goes pretty fast. We, as a family, used to rent from the video stores. It’s cost $5+ for each rental! And the cost of renting even a few movies each month was adding up. Now we get all of our movies from the library. Even if there is an old favorite that comes to mind and your local library doesn’t carry it, you can request that they get it (the same goes with books). Pretty cool if you ask me.

MOVIE THEATRE. Hit up the theatre. There is always the $1 theatre to take full advantage of. The bigger chain in our town has free movies for kids in the summertime. Movie times are typically in the morning. Everyone knows (and if you don’t, you will now) that movie theatres don’t make their money from selling tickets. They make thier money at the concession stand. Why anyone would want to pay $5 for popcorn, $4 for a drink, and $4 for some candy is beyond me, but people do. And the movie theatres know this. Your in extra trouble with kids in tow. Kids seem to have radar for anything unhealthy. If they were to sell broccoli and peas, the theatre would be bankrupt in a week. So they know that the parents will come to the free movie with their kids and buy $50 worth of junk that would normally cost $5 elsewhere. Hitting the movie theatre helps the day go by when you have nothing else to do, and is a way to get out of the house. Just don’t be tempted to buy concessions no matter the amount of begging and pleading from your children.

BOWLING ALLEY. Perhaps it’s not free but it certainly can be cheap. Usually, when school is in session, the prices for a game of bowling and shoe rental are low because these are the bowling alley’s slow times. And in the summer, there are decent rates as well. Our local bowling alley has $1 days every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday during the summer. That means $1 shoe rental and $1 per game. And with the new laws passed recently, bowling establishments are now smoke free.

PARK. Why not head to the park. My kids would spend all day there if I let them. Make it a picnic while your at it. After lunch, send the kids off to play and catch up on your reading. Take along a bag of bread while you’re at it if there’s a pond nearby. If the ducks are in town, the kids will love feeding them. And the ducks will love them for it.

COUNTY FAIR. Again, not free but cheap, in comparison to the State Fairs. County fairs typically charge low admission and offer cheap ride bands. And entertainment is usually free with the purchase admission. This includes concerts, magic shows, and animal exhibits. At our local county fair, if you buy a ride band, all rides are unlimited. Be sure to keep an eye on your local newspaper or city publications. You can find valuable coupons and also find out which days are discounted. Its great to see the looks on your children’s faces as their whirled around and shouting with excitement. And it doesn’t have to cost a ton.

YOUR OWN YARD. If its a hot day outside and the kids need an outlet, set up the kiddie pool in the front yard. When I don't feel like being bothered from the neighborhood kids, we pull it around into the backyard. Otherwise, break out the sunblock and umbrella. The other kids on the street will see this and be over in no time. You'll have an instant block party, and the kids will have fun for hours. Be certain that they receive their parent's permission. And of course, keep a watchful eye.

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Children Are Amazing, Especially Yours

Before having children and becoming a stay-at-home mom, I worked for several years. At those jobs there were always doting mothers who proudly exclaimed all of the accomplishments, great and small, of their growing children. Their cubicles donned their child’s artwork and toys left behind when they were visited by their children at work. Pictures upon pictures of a giggling youngster, a high school graduation, major milestones, and of course, those almost ghastly AND annoying family pictures with everyone fully clad in corresponding or identical outfits. And this was all fine. After all, family is important. My life as a mother is THE most significant and imperative role that I will ever assume. I cannot say that enough.

I can recall one particular job that I had. I worked there for a couple of years. I remember one co-worker in particular. Let’s call her “Susan.” I’ll admit that I was not Susan’s biggest fan. But I did my job and kept my distance as much as possible. Susan had been married for a couple of years at the time and was mother to a 1-year-old daughter. I must admit that her little girl was darling. And smart. Because each time that she would come in to see her mother at work, everyone had to stop to watch the new, learned skill on display. This was humorous at times and cute at others.

But Susan had more than one trick up her sleeve. As though it were some form of a tradition, each month (from her daughter’s birth), Susan would go out and purchase a pretty and new outfit for her daughter. She’d dress her up and style her hair just so, and they’d go off to the picture studio to get this little girl’s picture taken. Every month. And every month, we, fellow employees, most of whom were childless, would have to gather around and share in the delight of how adorable Susan’s daughter looked with her silly expressions and in creative poses. I never realized how much someone else’s child DOESN’T change in a month’s time.

So, on to my point.

Parents, especially new parents, your child is adorable and cute. Yes, your child will grow and change faster than you can keep up. And yes, your child is the funniest, smartest, and most clever child ever. But know this: no one else cares! You are the parent. And with that comes the unconditional love for your child. Your family also feels this for your child.

But it ends there. I am sorry to report that every other parent out there, past and present, has had or does have the same emotions and feelings that you have. There is no other child or children out there who are finer than their own.

And, no one else wants to hear about them.

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Baby Advice

Something about looking like you’re hauling around a watermelon, waddling everywhere you go, and looking awkwardly miserable, garners undoubted and unsolicited advice and attention. Unless I am mistaken, I can’t recall where exactly it is written that a pregnant woman is continuously seeking advice from anyone, especially strangers. Is pregnancy some kind of universal sign? Because these folks are like a moth to a flame.

It reminds me of a certain television commercial about a pregnant woman in a supermarket. Some complete stranger walks up, places his hand on her belly without asking, and proceeds to ask inane questions about her weight and impending arrival! As he’s walking away the camera pans to her with a look of bewilderment and annoyance.

I chuckle each time I see this. Mostly because I’ve experienced the same sentiment. I have been there, and I can say with certainty that most other women have as well. Don’t get me started on the post-pregnancy weight comments.

I suppose that I could fully expect it when I was pregnant with my first child. Admittedly, there were times when the advice wasn’t so ridiculous. Then along came my second pregnancy. Even in the midst of it I had to put up with strange questions and pretty dim advice. I always politely smiled of course, nodded, and then waddled away in the opposite direction as fast as I could.

When I speak to my friends who are planning to or are now expectant, I refrain from the advice unless I’m asked. This has proven to work just fine for both parties involved. I am beyond familiar with the awkwardness of voluntary opinions. And I roll my eyes right along with my pregnant friends when someone divulges a bizarre comment.

I suppose that these occurrences, like swollen ankles and nausea-laden days, are all part the 9 months of discomfort. Aside from that discomfort and the pains that you feel and the unwanted advice that you receive, this is an experience that is unique all on its own. You will soon be free from it all in due time (no pun intended). The sound of your child’s first cry and the comfort he will get from only you will make it all worth it. And then . . . the parenting advice begins!

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The Perfect New Mother

I recall the weeks prior to the delivery dates of my children. They were filled with happiness and joy, anxiety and concern, and impatience and anticipation. I wondered if everything was in order, hoping that everything was just right for this new arrival.

Looking back, it wasn’t.

There always seemed to be something that I had forgotten or some way that I could have been better prepared. The laundry seemed endless, as it always does. All of those freezer meals that I had planned to pack away so that my husband wouldn’t come to me after having just gone through the most intense experience of my life and ask, “Hey Honey. What’s for dinner?,” weren’t quite complete ( I have concluded now that I am just not very good at the whole “nesting” concept.).

But when it came down to it, it didn’t matter. I thought, “Oh well. No big deal.” Because nothing, no matter the circumstance or situation, will ever be in perfect order or proper place. That, is just the way it is. It’s not a rule I made up, but rather a plain and simple fact of life that cannot be altered. In the past, I focused so much on making things just so, that most everything decided to contradict my carefully plotted strategies.

And that is alright.

Only recently, have I Iearned to “go with the flow.” And when I find that I am overly planning, I step back and make efforts to simplify. That way there’s not much room for disappointment. Which is the exact emotion that a pregnant woman and new mother doesn’t need. Perhaps it has come out of necessity. Perhaps disinterest. Perhaps from pure laziness. But I do know that my life as it stands now is a lot less stressful. There is something liberating about letting things just be. Not to say that I don’t experience stress on a daily basis. But what of it I do feel, it is on a much lesser degree.

You must tell yourself that you are a soon to be new mother and will be great at it. Or, that you are already a great mother, and that you are doing something that no one else can do. With that comes untouched joy. As you get through each day thereafter, you will realize that you have this new love and this untouchable power that only a mother can have. As out of order and dismayed that you may feel (and probably be), you will realize that nothing else matters.

Some of the best advice that I received was that my new child and I were both new to everything. We were both learning in every moment. We would both be imperfect limited in what we knew. But we were learning and growing together. And that is enough.

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